Top 15 Cult Classic Lifetime Movies

So it's been more than 6 months since my last post, and Johanna's mastered lots of new stuff now: walking (seems more like running and constantly), eating everything in sight, dancing, throwing tantrums, waving hi and bye, blowing kisses, giving high fives, opening apps on the ipad, hanging from Daddy's pull up bar, and saying lots of words including "yum","pup","avion" (airplane in spanish), though still nothing that in any way resembles "mama".  Earlier this week I starting thinking about my favorite Lifetime movies, and so instead of another post dedicated to Johanna, I give you the Top 15 Cult Classic Lifetime Movies.  Criteria considered: title, recognizable actors, best scene, and overall notoriety.  Enjoy!  

15. My Stepson My Lover (1997)  

• IMDB synopsis: A kind nurse finds herself embroiled in a tense and potentially deadly family affair when she falls for the son of her ruthless new husband. 
• Stars: Rachel Ward, Joshua Morrow, and Terry O'Quinn
• Best scene: Any scene that takes place at the love shack! 
• Thoughts: Stepson is always doing manly things at his (love) shack which is conveniently on the water so he can go swimming often and never wear a shirt.  Spoiler alert: after we learn that the stepson is the one responsible for the murder of his father (step mom was previously on trial) he falls, in slow motion no less, to his death at their love shack.  The last scene of the movie is step mom spoon feeding her now paraplegic son/lover.
• The Takeaway: Best to date outside the family, or make sure you meet the kids first!

14. Sin of Innocence (1986)

• IMDB synopsis: When David, a widower with a teenaged son, marries Vicki, who is divorced and has a teenaged daughter, it's sure to be a happy family. But the kids, Tim and Jenny, become romantically attracted to each other. Which makes David and Vicki VERY uncomfortable, and Vicki's ex-husband, Andy, furious. It's no longer a happy family in this household.
• Stars: Megan Follows, Dermot Mulroney
• Best scene: Tim and Jenny skinny dipping in the lake during a family vacay and later getting caught in bed together
• Thoughts: I can't watch these two without thinking of Anne of Green Gables or My Best Friend's Wedding, but the taboo topic of step incest is addressed with plenty of 80's fashion and hairstyles!
• The Takeaway: Again, best to date outside the family!

13. The Burning Bed (1984)

• IMDB synopsis: An abused battered wife has had enough of husband beating up on her. Everywhere she turns for help, there's not much anyone will do. After he rapes her one night, she sets the bed on fire with him in it asleep.
• Stars: Farrah Fawcett, Paul LeMat, Richard Masur
• Best scene: What else? Francine setting her husband on FIRE while asleep in bed!
• Thoughts: This movie actually sort of gave me a headache, watching Fran continue to go back to her abusive husband over and over again! I was def ready for him to burn!
• The Takeaway: Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.

12. Coed Call Girl (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: Thanks to a roommate's practical joke, bookish college student Joanna Halbert finds herself signed up with a Malibu-based escort service. Her initial annoyance turns to curiosity when she visits the boss's beach house - and she is soon captivated by the seemingly glamorous lifestyle of working as a high-class escort.
• Stars: Tori Spelling, Susan Blakely, Scott Plank, Barry Watson
• Best scene: Tori Spelling strips for her Maestro client while he plays Chopin "ON THE FIRST NOTE JOANNA!" For some reason this scene was supposed to make her feel scared and bad about herself, but c'mon, being a call girl you certainly run into worse things than this high brow creepster.  This scene is worth checking out: 

• Thoughts: Tori Spelling will never convince me that she's any character who is supposed to be bookish and shy.  The more believable scenes are after the reverse Pretty Woman makeover montage.  And what is with her rack?? Why is there negative space in her cleavage?  Barry Watson of 7th Heaven fame also makes lame cameo as Joanna's boyfriend, who somehow learns about her behavior but still stays with her, something NO boyfriend in the history of boyfriends would ever do upon finding out his new girlfriend is a prostitute.
• The Takeaway: There's no such thing as a free lunch

11. Our Guys: Outrage in Glen Ridge (1999)

• IMDB synopsis: In 1989, a group of well-known high school athletes in Glen Ridge, New Jersey were accused of the gang rape of a mentally retarded teen girl. When the town rallies to protect their stars, a detective and the prosecutor have to unravel the cover-up by the school board and the police.
• Stars: Ally Sheedy, Eric Stoltz
• Best Scene: When we find out that the gang rape involved a bat, broomstick, and a stick from outside!
• Thoughts: This is another movie that did actually make me sad, because I know that this actually happened and all she wanted was for these boys to like her. 
• The Takeaway: Another coverup for those of privilege.

10. 15 & Pregnant (1998)

• IMDB synopsis: Based on a true story, 15 year old Tina Spangler discovers she is pregnant. Her choices are abortion, adoption, or a lonely, exhausting life as a single parent. Abandoned by her boyfriend, she turns to her mother. Tina discovers although it has torn her world apart, her pregnancy could re-unite her shattered family and help her find her true purpose in life.
• Stars: Kirsten Dunst, Park Overall, David Andrews
• Best Scene: Tie between Tina's bratty reaction when no one shows up to the baby shower that she threw for herself, and when her loser boyfriend Ray shows up at the hospital postpartum with his new girlfriend.  Tina's dad tells Ray "sperm doesn't entitle you to much"
• Thoughts: I never understood why Kirsten Dunst would get involved with this film after making quality projects in her young age such as Interview with the Vampire and Little Women.  Not that her character is really that important.  Any 15 year old could've pulled off the whiny selfishness needed there.  The loser boyfriend is the real scene stealer!
• The Takeaway: The first ever episode of Teen Mom

9. Lying Eyes (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: Derek Bradshaw, a 33-year-old lawyer, courts and wins Amy Miller, an 18-year-old high school cheerleader. The affair progresses until she learns that he is married and has a family. During this period, she has been receiving anonymous notes, been the victim of vicious pranks and ultimately, life threatening attacks.
• Stars: Cassidy Rae, Vincent Irizarry, Allison Smith
• Best Scene: After all is said and done, we see Derek stalking next year's prey at cheerleading practice.
• Thoughts: Derek is not only able to pick out and stage a fake meeting with a hot high school cheerleader from the bleachers, but apparently he also has some kind of slut radar since Amy gives it up on the first date.  But  *spoiler alert* it must be some sweet lovin' since last year's girlfriend turns out to be the the one stalking and trying to kill Amy.
• The Takeaway: He never leaves the wife, ever.

8. Prison of Secrets (1997)

• IMDB synopsis: The true story of a middle-class wife and mother who is found guilty of a white-collar crime and must serve a lengthy prison sentence. While incarcerated, she witnesses male guards sexually assaulting female prisoners and uncovers a prostitution ring operated by guards. Outraged, she informs her husband, a popular local talk-show host, and risks her life and her family's safety to successfully expose this conspiracy.
• Stars: Stephanie Zimbalist, Finola Hughes, Gary Frank
• Best Scene: Evil prison guard Sergeant Crang feels up Lynn Shaffer as part of standard prison "protocol" after family visiting hours.  When Sergeant Crang is sure Lynn's husband is getting a big eyeful, he adds a nice squeeze and smack on the ass!
• Thoughts: The prostitution ring run out of the back of the laundry truck is pretty choice as are any of the night scenes in the prison really...who is the lucky victim who will land under the flash light beam tonight?
• The Takeaway: Don't wanna get raped in priseon? Straighten up and fly right!

7. She's Too Young (2004)

• IMDB synopsis: Middle-class parents Trish and Bill Vogel are stunned to learn that their responsible and intelligent fourteen-year-old daughter Hannah has been sexually active with an older male student. When an STD spreads throughout the school, Trish's attempts to enlighten her community cause her to be ostracized.
• Stars: Marcia Gay Harden, Alexis Dziena
• Best Scene: The high school nurse's office turns into a cattle call for syphilis antibiotics.  Stud Nick, patient 0, tells the school nurse that she better "stick them all, 'cuz I already did"
• Thoughts: What's not to love about this movie?  Teen orgies, skanks, and syphilis!
• The Takeaway: If there's grass on the field...

6. The Babysitter Seduction (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: The mother of the family for which Michelle baby-sits dies unexpectedly. Michelle is asked to take over looking after the children and is gradually "seduced" by the father. When suspicions arise that the mother had been murdered (and had been having an affair), Michelle unknowingly becomes enveloped in a web of lies until she herself is suspected.
• Stars: Stephen Collins, Keri Russell
• Best Scene: Michelle jumping three stories into the family's swimming pool and playing dead. 
• Thoughts: Michelle is totally clueless throughout this whole movie. Who wouldn't be creeped out by babysitting in a house where someone was just murdered, or by the Dad from 7th Heaven giving you a Range Rover and come hither stares?
• The Takeaway: Felicity was a smart college girl and should've known better!

5. She Cried No (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: A college freshman is date-raped at her brother's frat party by a fraternity member.
• Stars: Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Candace Cameron, Jenna Von Oy
• Best Scene: Scott and the guys of the "most popular frat on campus" scope out the fresh meat on freshman move-in day using binoculars from their balcony.
• Thoughts: Zack Morris raping DJ Tanner?! Enough said! But seriously, Marc-Paul Gosselaar plays a great villain, especially when he punches a bathroom mirror where someone has written "Scott is a Rapist" in bright red lipstick! The only other thing left to comment on is the extremely unflattering genie costume Donna Jo wears to the party her impending doom.  It was kind of surprising that she even needed to cry no wearing that get up. 
• The Takeaway: Even an unforgiving genie outfit can make you "ask for it"  Here's a great montage of clips to some bad 90's rock music:

4. Death of a Cheerleader AKA A Friend to Die For (1994)

• IMDB synopsis: At an American high school, all that matters to the materialistic kids is that they are the best at every thing.  Outsider Angela's plan to befriend the most popular girl in school backfires leading to deadly consequences.
• Stars: Kellie Martin, Tori Spelling, James Avery
• Best Scene: Angela pathetically telling Stacy Lockwood how cool and popular she is and how much she wants to be like her only to have Stacy call her "pathetic."  Angela completely freaks out and stabs Stacy with her apple knife. 
• Thoughts: Why there was a a knife for eating apples in the car, I'm not sure, but Becca Thatcher is amazingly twitchy and weird as Angela Delvecchio.  The real scene stealer, however, is Donna Martin as the evil yet popular Stacy Lockwood, especially when she's reading others diaries.  One of the central ties between Angela and Stacy is the social group "The Larks".  What I could never really figure out what was the Larks did and what the group even was? 
• The Takeaway: Take pity on the weird girl on the outskirts of your social circle, or watch your back.

3. She Woke Up Pregnant (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: A woman whose husband has had a vasectomy learns that she is pregnant.  All signs lead her to believe she was raped while under heavy sedatives during a recent oral surgery.  Her marriage and life fall apart while trying to prove that she was raped.
• Stars: Michele Green, William R. Moses, Lynda Carter
• Best Scene: A "hot" undercover police officer needs to get her wisdom teeth out, the perfect opportunity to set up a sting operation to catch the dirty dentist!  The anticipation has me twitching every time as I wait for the good doctor to make a move.
• Thoughts: Given that the husband had a VASECTOMY, I was somewhat shocked how easily he believes his wife when she swears she has not been unfaithful.  With a name like "She Woke Up Pregnant", there's no way this movie could not be towards the top of this list. 
• The Takeaway: Consider local anesthesia

2. Mother May I Sleep with Danger? (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: Kevin is the boyfriend of Laurel's dreams.  He is totally devoted to her but overtime, Laurel notices that he never leaves her alone. When she tries to get some distance he responds with aggressiveness.
• Stars: Tori Spelling, Ivan Sergei
• Best Scene: Stupid Laurel goes with psycho boyfriend Kevin out to a cabin in the woods where he essentially keeps her prisoner.  Lots of bad canoe rowing ensues.  Runner up for best scene is the first 5 min of the move where Billy/Kevin kills his first girlfriend whose "body is so perfect".
• Thoughts: Terrible acting, amazing title, and a 90210 alum getting attacked...all boxes checked.  The background music is also pretty spectacular, especially during this tense chase scene at the cabin.  Thank goodness Mom is on the rescue!
• The Takeaway: Mother knows best!

1. No One Would Tell (1996)

• IMDB synopsis: Shy sixteen-year-old Stacy Collins can't believe that the most popular guy in school, wrestling star Bobby, is interested in her. At first she is flattered by his constant attention, but it soon turns possessive and violent.  
• Stars: Candace Cameron, Fred Savage
• Best Scene: Stacy wears a short jean skirt, big white boots, and a tight shirt with a giant star on it to impress Bobby with her cool sense of style. Her plan goes awry when Bobby's friends notice her instead and he becomes threatened and embarrassed.  Confused by Bobby's anger and slamming of her locker, Stacy profusely apologizes and tells Bobby "I wore this for you!!"
• Thoughts: This movie really has it all! DJ Tanner getting beat down by Kevin Arnold, great 90's fashion, trashy/slutty maternal influences, true love on the wrestling mat, and the fantastic  Whitney Houston soundtrack is the cherry on top!
• The Takeaway: If you haven't seen this movie and you are a Lifetime fan, WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!

Honorable mentions:  Dying to Belong (1997)

• IMDB synopsis: When a girls friend is killed by a college hazing, she is the only one who can find out the truth.
• Stars: Hilary Swank, Sarah Chalke, Jenna Von Oy, Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Friends 'til the End (1997)

• IMDB synopsis: An emotionally disturbed and hyper-competitive young woman schemes to take over her friend's band, boyfriend, and then her life.
• Stars: Shannon Doherty, Jennifer Blanc, Jason London

A Secret Between Friends (1996)  

• IMDB synopsis: Two friends keep their vomiting a secret until one friend almost dies.
• Stars: Lynda Carter,  Katie Wright, Marley Shelton