In Memoran"D"um

On this Sunday night I find myself with all my "to-do's" checked off in my planner, watching Olympic gymnastics on TV while at the same time watching Johanna asleep on the baby monitor. In this peace and quiet that is so unusual in this house nowadays, for some reason I started thinking about D. I wonder how my poor kitty is doing? Was she adopted to a nice family? Is she still living in a cage? Does she remember me?

I wish Johanna and D could've gotten along. I wish D could always be the sweet and loving cat that she was to me. And, of course I wish that D's instincts would not have led her to leave my 4 1/2 month old's forehead scratched and bleeding.

D's had her ups and downs. She spent the first 9 weeks of her life on the mean streets of Chicago's south side. Surely one of the ups, being adopted by me in August 2006. I still remember that it was a Thursday afternoon when I went to the Cook County Animal Control shelter and picked her out of the lineup. She was so tiny! Because of my then obsession with P.Diddy's Making Da' Band, I named her Danity Kane.

Danity went through many changes in housing and roommates over the years, moving from Lincoln Square to Wicker Park with Meg (who gave her the name D), to Berwyn with Berto, and finally to 4148 Maple. She took each new home in stride easily adjusting to new apartments and houses. Meg was an easy roommate for her to get a long with, likely because she had nice smelling shampoo! Berto proved more difficult for her to live with, likely because she had to learn to share snuggle time with me in bed, but she did finally adjust to life with us.

D's also never exactly been friendly. Strangers or children especially got her hissing. But to me, she was very sweet, even if it was on her terms. She would sleep snuggled in a ball at my chest, purring up a storm. She was especially fond of "head butting" me which I looked up one time is how cat's "kiss". Maybe it was bs, but I liked the idea. It was more like rubbing her forehead to mine over and over. When I came home at night, she would be waiting by the door to greet me, sometimes up on 2 feet peaking out the window. She may have been a "mean" cat to others, but she loved me. And I loved her.

Poor D's whole life turned upside down on January 16th when we left for 3 days and came home with a crying bundle of craziness. For the first month, she was scared and kept her distance from Johanna. I slept on the couch the first couple of weeks bc it was just easier to live out of one room. Night time was our snuggle time, and D was not pleased with my absence. She proceeded to poop on our bed multiple times in protest.

During months 2-3, D got used to the idea that this was life now. She still kept her distance from Johanna, but had stopped pooping the bed. She also returned to sleeping with me, but not as much bc she didn't appreciate all the interruptions with me getting up at night.

By month 4, I thought maybe this would all workout. D had adjusted quite well, even sniffing Johanna up close a few times and showing a bit of interest and absolutely no hostility. I was hopeful. And then Johanna learned to roll over.

Once she was mobile, D eyed her more warily, but still kept her calm around her. Until one Saturday afternoon when Johanna learned how to roll over 2 times in the same direction. D was looking out the back patio door, and Johanna was rolling around on a blanket on the floor. I was observing a couple feet away. Johanna suddenly rolled twice towards the cat, and her hand landed on D's tail. Not seeing what was hitting her, D's natural reaction was to turn around and bat. Before I could even react, her paw clipped Johanna's forehead. My heart stopped. It could've been her eye. Her head could've been ripped open. Luckily it was just a tiny scratch at her hairline that healed within 3 days. But it was enough. To see your tiny 10lb girl with a head wound that I could've prevented. I wasn't going to let it happen again.

The following week I made an appointment and dropped Danity Kane off at the Hinsdale Humane Society, a local no-kill shelter. They took a modest donation and that was that. But it wasn't. I think of D often when I have a quiet moment to myself.

Some of my favorite memories of D:

I'd only had her for a week or 2. Berto and I were watching TV in my tiny Lincoln Square studio and suddenly realized she was sleeping behind us. I'd never seen a cat sleep in such a position before! As soon as the flash went off, she instantly woke up with an annoyed look.

Labor Day 2009, D goes missing for 3 days. I am in full on panic mode. I make flyers with her picture and post them around the neighborhood. I go up, down, and all around the block calling her name. Finally, around midnight of the third day, Berto hears some weird sounds on the roof, heads outside, and sees her sitting on the ridgepole of our vaulted family room. We were in the midst of remodeling our house and apparently she had snuck out a ventilation hole the plumber was putting in our laundry area and didn't return back in before he sealed it back up! Berto gave me a lift and I climbed up onto the roof and carried her down in my arms like a baby.

For Christmas 2011 she is very festive!

Here's to you D - Thank you for 6 great years! I hope that you are happy in your new life, wherever that may be.

Cloth Diaper Dropout

We used disposable diapers during our recent trips to Nashville and Florida, and it was oh so convenient! While cloth diapering hasn't been THAT difficult, I have to say that my value of life greatly improved when I wasn't worried about doing the laundry every day. When we got back from Florida, we used the remainder of the disposables and then went back to cloth diapers for a week. And then it hit me, hard. Why am I doing this to myself? If it makes my life that much easier, why not just make the switch to disposables? What is so wrong with my wiring that changing to disposable diapers is like such a failure to me?
Sure we tried it, sure we probably saved some money in the beginning when there were more diaper changes, but if I can enjoy more time with my daughter in the 2 hours (maybe) that I have with her when I get home from work and less time doing the laundry, then shouldn't it just be an easy, non-agonizing decision? I could argue my resistance was because we already invested money in the cloth diapers, but really we didn't invest that much and she would be due for the next size up soon anyway. And inside I know it's just my own stubbornness that I don't like to admit when I can't do something.
I would do cloth diapers again in the beginning without a doubt. When someone is home to do the laundry all the time, it really is simple and cost efficient. But, with both parents working, it wasn't working for us. And. there's. nothing. wrong. with. that.
Plus, I am a coupon and discount queen. We are Sam's Club members. In the last 3-4 weeks, disposables have really only cost us about $30, and we still have at least another 2 weeks left in supply. We've spent money on worse things, like last Sunday night's pizza delivery, which was more than $30 just for the 2 of us. And we ate it all. That should be what's hard to admit!
On another thought - I apologize that this blog has become all about Johanna. Normally, I enjoy looking back at my entries and reading what I was thinking at the time. While reminiscing through some posts as of late, I thought, really, Liz? You posted in that much detail about trying to breastfeed? Who cares? Did you think anyone wanted to read that? I apologize for whoever does read this blog and blame my postpartum zombie-like state. Shit happens when you don't sleep for 2 months. Also in my defense, I blog about my life and what's going on in it, and being a new parent is all consuming. My life IS Johanna, and that was never more true than those first few weeks at home.